Going to a new doctor today

Been looking for a GP doctor. Maybe this is the one,

Lving to see another day

God's is not done with me yet.

Oh Happy Day

Have nothing to say. Another 12 hours before I can go back to bed. This is going to be a long day.

All I want is a Cell Phone that Works...

a phone that works down here on this Rock. I can't stand it you would think I was on the dark side of the moon!. Well we go up to Miami this morning for a blood count test. Then we are off to the airport to pickup Janice C. She is coming in to see the dead woman walking. She leaves next Tuesday. God give me the strength to get through these next five days. Between Janice and my sister, I am in for a long, long lecture on where my life went wrong. Am I going to be able to keep my cool or and I going to erupt? It has been building up inside me for a long time. Some of it was leaking out up in St. Augustine. So I live to see another day.... How many more of them do I have?

LUNG CANCER: WTF Do you have in Store for me

I keep waking up, God. You have plans for me still. I am still here. What are your plans for me. Could you please let in on a little bit of it? Will I be here this time next year? Lung cancer. In remission. What is the purpose for me? What am I doing here. My life has to mean something, but what. I am at a loss at what to do. Just staying in this 12'x12' room. Is it time for me to move on my own? My sister has to be pretty tired of me by now. Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, if i say or write it enough, will I really believe it? I am still having a hard time accepting this. What do they say are the 5 signs: Denial, anger, bargining, depression, acceptance. I think I am in the denial stage right now. I just can not accept the idea that I have lung cancer and I am going to die from that. I know I am being tolerant. My sister is saying things to me that I am reacting to, but not showing it. She called all the stuff I have in storage, "junk". That is my entire life's worth of junk. It is not so much "junk" that is is my life that is "junk". I just don't know what to do with myself day after day. It is the same old shit. Which brings me back to what is the purpose of all of this. Staying away from my sister today. She is not in a very happy mood. She is constantly not in a happy mood. She thinks her life sucks. Hates here job, hates everything. Always the "Gloomy Gus." Quick drinking. It is now just a little over 2.5 years that I have been sober. Boy I just want to go out there, and getso totally wasted that I never come back. But, then that would be committing suicide and my life insurance won't kick in and God won't let me in his house. I guess, I am just rambling on. Getting my frustrations out. I really don't have anyone to really listen to what I have to say except for God. and then I wonder if he is reallying listening. He must, I got lung cancer, what does that me.

The World Does Not Revolve Around You.

.........there are a billion or so people in this world. It just does not revolve around you. Your sister does not need to comfort you every single minute.

Be Careful What You Wish For...

....you just might get your wish. I was always wishing I were not here or dead or thinking of killing myself. Well have Stage V cancer. Got my wish in a way. Not a quick way to go, but I will be going sooner rather than later. I am no longer going to wish for anything. What God has in store for me for today, just hope he give me the strength to get through it. Got a doctor's appointment this morning. Finally getting a diagnosis today? We will see.