Day 519 - Another Monday Rolls Around

17 months sober yesterday. Still no job. Lillie comes back from Atlanta today. Survived the weekend with Brad. It went very well. It was a pleasant weekend all in all. Still no job. No income. God what am I going to do?

Day 513 - Today Makes 2 Months in Key Largo!!

I have been living here for 2 months now.  How is life going?  Don't know.  Some days are up and some days are down.  I still do not know what I want to be when I grow up.  Some days are trying and then some days are more trying.  I can not believe I have gone 513 continuous days without a drink!  A miracle!  Whoopie.  Who really cares.  Still trying to find my niche in life.  Just don't know what that is.  You would think after 62 years (on Oct 9th if I live that long) I would have at least a clue.

Some things are popping up that are starting to annoy me.  Just really minor stupid stuff that I should just let go.  I try to let go, but it still keeps coming up in my thoughts.  Some days I still have thoughts of doing away with myself.  They don't involve jumping in front of a subway train.  Now they are thoughts of walk into the Everglades with a gallon of vodka and passing out and having an aligator do the job. Or is it crocodiles here i the Everglade swamps?  Oh well, who really cares.

Day 507 - I am still here

but for what?  What is the purpose of my existence?

Day 506 - What am I doing?

God, what am I doing?  Waiting for answers from you.  What is your plan for me.  Is this all there is?  Tax man is coming after me, that I know.  Can not be avoided.  Need a job to pay the man.  Where is that job that I have been looking for since 2008?  Where?  Where?  Oh what the fuck, feeling the depression mood coming on and don't know how to keep it away.  That is coming too along with the tax man.  Oh boy!

Day 500 - Another Milestone Today

500 continuous days without alcohol!  Amazing.  Although, my sister (kidding I hope) asked me:  "Have you been drinking?"  Because I was acting weird (was depressed on Saturday) and the door to her liquor cabinet was slightly opened.  "Whose been in the liquor?" (or words to that effect).  I started to feel guilty, but then thought about it.  I did not have a drink.  I did not sneak a drink.  I know I did not and that is all that matters.  What other people may think or not think about me is none of my business.  I can not control what other people think, so I am not going to worry about that.  So there!

Day 497 - WOW Craigs List Here Sucks

I have never seen so many scam postings in my life!  That is one tool I will not be using to find a job.  In Boston, the scams were there, but nothing like down here.  I do not thing any legitimate business would post a job there.  Sheesh.  What am I going to do to earn some money (legally folks)??

Day 496 Forgetting My HP

He is in charge, not me.

Day 492 - No Job Yet

Applying for everything out there.  No responses yet.  No change from Boston.  Didn't hear from anyone there either.  Not many jobs here to apply to.  Need to go into business for myself.  Knitting and crocheting is what I would like to do.  But down here?

Need some transportation to get myself around.  Need to get back some of my own independence.  Walking around I can do, but to get to where I would like to go?  Everything is just too far away to walk.  Need to get some of my own money.  Need to pay back to those who have given to me.

I am just grateful right now for what I got.  Who knows what is in store for me.  Can always end it all.  That is always on option that is on my mind.  A permanent solution to a temporary problem?  I don't know.  My mind is all over the place.  Some things never change.

Day 491 - Blah

Feeling restless.  Need to do something, but what.  A job would be nice.  Then again.....