LUNG CANCER: WTF Do you have in Store for me

I keep waking up, God. You have plans for me still. I am still here. What are your plans for me. Could you please let in on a little bit of it? Will I be here this time next year? Lung cancer. In remission. What is the purpose for me? What am I doing here. My life has to mean something, but what. I am at a loss at what to do. Just staying in this 12'x12' room. Is it time for me to move on my own? My sister has to be pretty tired of me by now. Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, Lung cancer, lung cancer, if i say or write it enough, will I really believe it? I am still having a hard time accepting this. What do they say are the 5 signs: Denial, anger, bargining, depression, acceptance. I think I am in the denial stage right now. I just can not accept the idea that I have lung cancer and I am going to die from that. I know I am being tolerant. My sister is saying things to me that I am reacting to, but not showing it. She called all the stuff I have in storage, "junk". That is my entire life's worth of junk. It is not so much "junk" that is is my life that is "junk". I just don't know what to do with myself day after day. It is the same old shit. Which brings me back to what is the purpose of all of this. Staying away from my sister today. She is not in a very happy mood. She is constantly not in a happy mood. She thinks her life sucks. Hates here job, hates everything. Always the "Gloomy Gus." Quick drinking. It is now just a little over 2.5 years that I have been sober. Boy I just want to go out there, and getso totally wasted that I never come back. But, then that would be committing suicide and my life insurance won't kick in and God won't let me in his house. I guess, I am just rambling on. Getting my frustrations out. I really don't have anyone to really listen to what I have to say except for God. and then I wonder if he is reallying listening. He must, I got lung cancer, what does that me.