Day 63 Things Not As Bad As It Seems

At least for right now, at this moment in time.  Happy Saturday to me.

Day 62 My Life Sucks

Enough said.  Nothing changes.  Time to end it all.

Day 61 God Help Me

STOP THIS STRESSING.  PLEASE HELP ME!!! OR END IT FOR ME.  SHOW ME THE WAY.  YOUR WAY.  LET ME IN ON THE PLAN. 

Day 60 Thy Wiil Be Done

Thy will not my will. Help me do thy will.  I am done fighting.  I surrender.

Day 59 what did he mean by that?

Was told my job at the nonprof was being reduced by hours and pay and possibly eliminated by end of July.  Admin Asst not needed.  Get email saying.very busy day and will be missed at conferece.  What is up with that?  Shades of Capital One?  Can't and won't think about it.

Day 58 Thy Will Be Done

God do with me what you will. Let me in on the plan if you choose to.

Day 57 Still Sober

and still robbing Peter to pay Paul.  The beat goes on.  The merry-go-round continues and won't let me off the ride.  When will this nightmare end? 

Day 56 & the Saga Continues

I just can't believe my life.  Just can't.  Why is she still advertising?  Go figure.  Need to end it all.  That's one way to get off this fucking ride.   Sick of even writing this blof.

Day 55 and the Hits Just Keep Coming

So, my job with the nonprof is coming to some kind of slow down or end in July.  I can'r seem to catch a break.  They won't let me off this fucking ride.  The money stress continues, but hey, I am still sober.  Is that because I have no money for booze or I want to stay sober?  That is the question. 

Day 54 SOBER, SOBER, SOBER

Enough said or more like BORING, BORING,  BORING.

Day 53 What to Do?

How do I get myself painted into corners?  Why, why why?

Day 52 - Still Sober and My Life Still Sucks

I am grateful, but not as grateful as I should be.  I am working at 2 jobs that I abolutely hate.  I just wish I could just disappear.  Just not exist anymore.  I am so tired of this fucking life.  Do not have the courage to end it.  God keeps waking me up every morning.  I am depressing myself even further. 

Fwd: Day 51 Still Want Off the Merry-go-round!!!

The money beat goes on and on and on.  When does it stop?  When I kill myself?  God won't do it.  I keep waking up to more fucking misery. 

Day 50 the Sober Beat Goes On

Worked at the yarn store yesterday.  Several times I wanted to quit.  I did't.  Have tell my other job about this job.  Don't know how that will go.

Day 49 Still Have the Job?

Past 2 weeks have been strange.  Still sober though.  Go figure.

Day 48 and the Merry-go-Round

Keeps on going round and round.  STOP THIS RIDE.  I WANT FUCKING OFF!!!

Day 47 Crazy Thoughts

My mind is all over the place with negative thoughts.  Imagining this scenario and that scenario.  Will see how it goes today.  GOD, THY WILL BE DONE.  YOUR WILL IS MY WILL.

Day 46 Still Sober!

Things going some what good.  Why can't I be grateful.  Why all this negativity? 

Day 45 Still Sober

Well today is my "try out" day at the yarn store.  I hope I blow their socks off.  I want a drink, but I can't blow this opportunity.  To get this far has certainly built my confidence.  I have not told anyone about this job.  Being suoerstitous. 

Wanted a drink yesterday too, but made it to midnjght!

Day 44 - Somebody Kill Me!

I am working with Dictators who are idiots.

Day 43 Who Cares?

9 more hours to get through.  Who cares?

Fwd: Day 42 and so It Begins All Over AGAIN!!!

The money merry-go-round keeps going and going.  I WANT TO GET OFF THIS RIDE.  FUCK.  FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.  TIME TO END IT.  Hey, but I am still sober.  Money, money, money.  What I don't have.  I am so FUCKUNG tired of this

Day 40 Enough Said

Nothing to say.  Today I am living in the moment.  It has been a long and trying/testing week.  It is only Thursday. 

Day 39 Cable is Still On

I don't get it.  God made me wake up today.  Another day to be grateful to slay the demons. 

UPDATE:  The cable was cut!  Shut it down at 8:35 AM EST.  I was bummed about it.  But, nothing I can do until Friday when I get my measly paycheck.  Guess I will be doing a lot of reading.

Day 38 Job Interview Today

Still sober.  God watching out for me?  Sure hope so.  Interview at a yarn shop.  Luck changing?  Sure hope so.  What journey will today bring?  Yesterday's journery took me some place I never thought I would go.  Set out on my usual Monday morning on a walk to work.  ATM card not approved at McDonald's.  Was approved at the smoke shop.  Hmmm.  Joe bought me a cup of cofffee.  Over drawn at the bank.  Hmmm.  How could things get worse?  Cried and cried feeling sorry for me.  Ended the day up in church.  Worked up the nerve to go to confession and asked for forgiveness for my sins for the past 30-years.  Boy, did not plan or think that would happen!  I was absolved of my sins.  Did I feel better?  I don't know.  I do feel different.  Is this what serenity feels like?  It has been so, so long since I have felt that.  I think it has been so long that I have felt any thing.  My cable us going to be cut off today and I am not in a panic.  I can pay it Friday, but not today.  So why stress about something I can do nothing about until Friday. 

Day 37 St. Jude Please.Help Me

Help me to stay sober today.  Today and tomorrow is going to be a test.  Help me get through it.  PLEASE.  GIVE ME THE STRENGTH. 

Day 35 White Knuckling Here

Sober.  Restless.  5 hours to midnight.  Will make it.  Life still sucks. 

Day 34 Still

Calendar is off on this blog like every thing in my life is off.  Just when you think things can't get more sucky, they do.