Day 608 - God help me and save me

Well my worst fear has come true. Shelly and Nico will be permanently staying here. Not what I wanted. Guess I have to accept that fact. Nothing I can do about it. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change! Is that how the saying goes. I feel like I am slowly losing my mind., Acceptance is the key to all of my problems to day. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation - some fact of my life that is unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place thing or situation as being exactly the way it is suppose to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober, unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes. I am 62 years old, why do I HAVE to change. Well I need to accept that this is the way things are going to be here at xyz fishmonger lane. If I do not like it or can not adapt to it then I can leave and find something that will be more acceptable to me. So there it is: TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT! I am staying out of it!!!

Day 607 - OK, God you win....

....you proved who the Boss is. I give up. I am totally convinced. You are running the show. I am along for the ride. I am done. Help me accept it and swallow and suck up this doozy of a wallop you sent my way. Give me patience and humility, detachment and generosity; give me Lord what is good for me which You alone know, for I do not know what is good for me I do not dare to ask. That my heart may be alert, my ears be attentive, my hands and mind active, and that I always may be ready to do Your Holy Will with Your grace. GOD, IT IS YOUR SHOW.

Day 606 - God help me

Spending time with family not working.  In Atlanta and almost took a swig out of Brad's beer last night. GOD HELP ME WHERE ARE YOU?  About to quit murder or hari kari. Need some kind of relief?

Fuck them all...

....the long and the short and the tall. FUCK THEM ALL!  LET IT GO!

Fuck, fuck, fuck....

....and more fuck!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE!!!???  My life sucks. God, what are you trying to FUCKING TELL ME??

Day 601 - Had a melt down yesterday!

God, WTF is wrong with me?

Day 599/Day 19 - MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!!!

They just got here, and I am already counting down the days until they leave (yes, that is right 19 more days to go). I can understand Maggie for barking for someone invading her space. They are going to put her in a kennel for the week that we are gone to Atlanta. Wish I could find a kennel that I could live at for the next week. I am so not looking forward to this trip to Atlanta. Nico has a cough and a runny nose. Great, just what I need with my immune system. It is going to be the ride from hell tomorrow in the car to Atlanta. 12 fucking hours trapped in a car with 4 others. One of them coughing and dribbling his nose snot all over me. Yahoo,just want I wanted for Xmas. Yeah, Merry fucking Christmas! Maybe I will be getting my wish: catching pneumonia and dying in a hospital in Atlanta! "To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. When God takes something from your grasp, he's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you." Do you really believe this? (Talking to myself.)