Day 694 - DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???

what the fuck are you doing to me? They are still here. Shelly and Nico are suppose to go back tomorrow. Shelly is just miserable here and Lillie is miserable that she is here. The whole house is full of tension. It is the same old fucking song and dance everyday. It is time to start playing a new record because this one is broke. GOD ARE YOU TESTING ME?!!!!!!!!!!WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???WHY???

Day 661 - Jumping Jospehaft!!

It that even a real word? Just love my life. It is just fucking peachy keen wonderful!!! Fuck me, fuck you, fuck everything. God why am I still here? What is the fucking purpose to my life. I keep saying and thinking it over and over and over again. Still no fucking answer. Maybe it is time to relapse and go back to the fucking bottle. Atleast I won't fucking care anymore. That is another good question: Why the fuck am I still sober???? I just wish somebody, any fucking somebody tell me! God, twenty-five more years of this fucking shit??

Day 661 - Yes! I am Still Fucking Here!!

Nothing changes or does it? Shelly and Nico moving back to Pennsylvannia? Stay tuned, film at 11!

Bah Hum Bug Fuck it

GOD, help me!!

Day 648 - Still Here

Nothing is changing, everything is changing. Went out to the beach two days this week. Need to get out there every day weather permitting (which is most days), Feeling restless, have the need to do something. Getting cabin fever? Lillie exploded the other day. Told everyone more or less to go to hell. Saw that coming. Nothing to prevent it. Went on a job interview. Don't think I will get this gig. They did not ask for references plus how would I get to the job. No car remember? Brad gave me a ride to the interview. Feeling trapped here. Back to thinking about ways to do myself in. How to end it all. One of these days I may just carry it through. Lillie going up to Atlanta middle of March to see Danni and family. Leaving me behind with the in-laws. That is going to be great. Maybe that will be the time to do myself in. I am so sick of myself talking like this. I would do something about it, but what the fuck do I do. Going out might help. Seeing other people. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Day 637 -God Where are You?

Just another day in Paradise!  Nico is sick?  Sixth day of baby sitting. His  nut case mother in a psych ward since last Tuesday. Is that for real?  Am I being selfish?  Full of questions. DEAR LORD, ANSWER ME OR GIVE ME A SIGN! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!!!

Day 633 - I am really going to kill myself

Shelly is on suicide watch  down in Marathon!  Really!  Guess who is watching the kid?  ME!!!  WTF?!! God WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF TEST IS THIS???