Day 523 - Have I Made a Mistake....

...moving here? Why do I feel like such a loser? I just want to cry, cry, cry. What is it that is bothering me? Why do I feel like I have done something wrong? All I did today was let the dog out. She pooped in the back yard and then went crazy. The whole house is in chaos. That is what my sister said. Went out to have a cigarette, and Brad on phone asking someone(?) about internet charges. Then I come back into the house, he is in Lillie's office with the door closed. Discussing. Discussing what? Me? I know that the world does not revolve around me, but today I feel really off the beam shit. I don't know what it is that is making me feel unsettled. I am thinking the whole suicide thing over and over in my head. Not just today. Forever in the back of my mind. God, this is my life? I just can not keep on doing this. I just wish I could just disappear. I just wish I was never here. Going to the the dark place. I feel it coming. I don't know if I want to get out of the dark place this time.