Day 535 - Still Sober...

...but feeling depressed. So what else is new with me? Always looking for something to whine about. Wish I had some wine about. LOL. Making jokes. Trying to quit smoking. The problem there is I don't really want to quit smoking. But in more ways than one I must. I wont' go into the details. I have been doing that in my head for my whole life. Things just go round and round and round. I am so bored right now. I guess I should be thankful for that. If I were back in Boston I would probably be dead. I wish for being dead everyday, but yet I am still here. They tell me that I am exactly where I am suppose to be right now. For that I am thankful to my sister (God working through my sister?). My problem, as I have said in the past, is I want it all and I want it now. The biggest glitch in that is I don't know what it is that I want. Madee it through 535 days of sobriety, on Day 2 for not smoking. For what? Life sucks and then you die. What do I want to be when I grow up? Better make up my mind soon. I am at the other end of life's spectrum, not the beginning. To be or not to be? That is the question