Day 488 - TGIF?

Would be if I had a job.  Oh well, so tired of whining about the same thing over and over.  I am giving myself a headache and agita.

Day 486 Yeah, I am Still Here

don't know what to do.

Day 484 Beginning of another work week...

...and still no job. This is driving me nuts. I know it is only a month since I have been in Key Largo, but I have been out of work since February. That short term assignment I had from April through June does not really count. Out of money, can't pay my cell phone bill. Will need to ask my sister. How can I? She has done so much for me already. I want to WORK. What the hell is wrong with me? Why won't anyone hire me? I can't even get a call back down here. God, I am slowly going insane. Even the dog is barking at me? Drinking will not solve the problem. Killing my self will. As the old cliche goes: that is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Heard from Mike AA back in Boston. He and Mark AA are driving down to Key West on Thursday night. They are going to stop by here sometime on Saturday. Self hatred and negative thoughts are bouncing around in my head. I can not make the voices stop this morning. Killing myself will.

Day 483 Need a Job

Seriously, all I want is a simple job to pay for my meager bills. I am grateful for everything I have. God, is my having a job giving my life meaning? No job = suicide? What the fuck am I  doing here except sucking up air? No job = useless = suicide. God help me. Ran out of money. Sponging off of others. I am so morose today. Snap out if it!  Feeling sorry for myself.

Day 481 - I Need a Fucking Job!

Enough said.

Day 481 What am I doing Here?

I don't mean Florida. I mean what am I doing here on this planet? My depression is starting to come back. I don't know. Geographical change is not the answer. I am finding that out. What the fuck is wrong with me? God, is having a job really that important? I will never find the answer on how to fix myself. Some days I just wish I could just disappear. Key to Serenity: And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. Needed to be reminded of the above. Acceptance for me is everything.

Day 478 Still No Job

Well still no job. Moved down here and changed my whole life around. Acceptance. That is the key. Accept the things I can not change and courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Ha! Easier said than done. The one thing that I want and I think I need is a job. Not finding it here. I know it is almost a month that I have been here and I need to give it time. I would have been perfectly happy in Boston if I had a job. But I can not go back there. I am here in Florida. There is a plan in the works. I just don't know what that plan is. Everything happens for a reason. No coincidences in God's world. I don't know anything anymore. Just rambling here. I know that I am grateful to be here. If I stayed in Boston, I would be in a homeless shelter right now. Have to be grateful for what I have, not wishing for things that I don't. Still it is frustrating. I am human and I have feelings. Only a month and already starting to feel complacent. Need to stop that. Got to remember where I was and where I was headed. I am in a much better place right now.